For 15 years I raised Pearlsky on my own. She and her brother were pretty much the first in medical literature with the disorder they have. There is no organization fundraising for the Inborn Error of Serine Metabolism … I was on my own in that area. There is no National Organization of Single Dads with Severely Disabled Kids. There was some loneliness in there, much of it was alleviated by my blogging as SingleDad.

I have never been as lonely as I am lying on that radiation table. Ok, maybe it is equally lonely sitting in the chemotherapy chair. It does not matter if there are 100 people around, if Inanna is holding my hand, or I have my dog on my lap (no, I don’t have a dog, and I doubt they are allowed in the radiation machine) (unless I had a 504 plan …). I really think loneliness is a state of mind. Sure, it can be brought on by being alone, but that is not the only form it takes.

I have been to parties where I feel there is an invisible barrier between me and all the others. That can be lonely.

This is different. I have rectal cancer which can kill me, and it may be anthropomorphism (or is it personification?) to say that in fact it wants to kill me. That’s what unchecked cancer does. It is in me, not the oncologist, the radiologist nor the surgeon. It is not in you, or anyone else, these cells are mine. This is my fight. Sure, I may “buy” drugs or consultants to tell me what to do, but when you get down to it, this is between me, the cancer, and potentially the Holy One, Blessed be He.

Other cancers, disorders, human conditions have national and international organizations that bring people together, advocate, march, lobby, and so much more. They have their own colors, logos, and instant camaraderie when members (official or not) meet.

There is no National Rectal Cancer Day.

There is no Rectal Cancer Month.

There is no color associated with Rectal Cancer. (Well, maybe there is …)

This is outrageous. So if when I survive this thing I hereby promise to start a national advocacy organization to work with and for those with rectal cancer. We will have a logo. We will have a day. The chemo drug F U will be known throughout the land.

And we will have a website. I just obtained the URL (really).

www.AssholesForRectalCancer.com

Go ahead, click on it. You know you want to.