Just a crap-ass day. Nothing all that specific, a couple of highlights here and there, but generally, a real crap-ass day. I want to be healthy and I want to have other things to worry about.
As I try to figure out what bothers me most, I get more bothered! Yes, ultimately the fact that I have cancer and the outcome being unknown sucks and bothers me. But actually I can deal with that as well as one can.
The question comes up, am I doing all I can for myself? I think so, but am I? Am I letting myself down?
I looked up my doctors on the Internet when all this started. The surgeon is a good as it gets, period. The oncologist and radiologist are both very highly regarded as well. The group, I am told, does more colorectal care and surgery than any other team in this big city, and that is saying a lot. So, mostly by luck and default, I have no worries or concerns about the doctors.
As we know, I have big concerns about the support staff and find myself doing some research to understand the protocols and make sure I am following the right set of instructions (the pill bottle? the oral instructions? the written instructions?).
My ex-wife has a friend, Sue. Sue is highly educated and a very nice woman but she does not appear to have a lot of “life smarts” or maybe common sense. She would do things that would drive me crazy. I knew of the things from my wife and never ever would say anything to Sue but would shake my head. A couple of times I found myself in situations where I, personally, was not sure exactly what to do. I learned to think of it this way … the Sue Test.
What would I say if this was Sue?
For instance, if I went to a restaurant that I really wanted to try, but for whatever reason it looked dirty to me or just “off” and I was not sure if I should sit and eat or just leave …
How would I react if I was told that Sue sat there and ate?
It is my mental way of looking at my own situation from the outside and putting my own values on it. I found it helpful and no, it is not mean to Sue. And in that scenario, if she had her young boy with her, I would think she was crazy.
What would I say if Sue was having these issues with her hospital care?
When you use a browser to surf the ‘net a good amount of information is actually sent to the web site itself. Your browser (Chrome, Safari, Firefox, etc.) tells the web site, among other things, who your Internet service provider (ISP) is (e.g., Verizon, Comcast, Rogers, AT&T, Cox, etc.). Some of the information is very useful, like the size of the screen the user is using. As a web designer I use this to modify the page sent to that user to look best on their size screen.
Some larger organizations have their own in-house ISP. This is true for many government agencies, universities, and hospitals or medical organizations. Because of this, I know that someone (or several people) from my hospital do at times look at this blog. But there is something much more interesting …
A couple of other medical centers have also looked in the last few days. They are using the “topics” picker on the top of the right hand side and looking at the Patient Portal archive page among others! There have also been hits from two government agencies. More interest from other medical providers than mine.
As predicted, I have not heard from the Director of Strategic Initiatives again about the Patient Portal. I am shocked! Ok, no, I’m not.
I needed to use the portal again. What’s that you say? Am I a masochist? A glutton for punishment? No, just a poor schmuck with a fucking cancerous tumor up my ass.
I know I need to see the wound nurse to figure out the best placement for the ostomy and that may take up to an hour. Then I need to sit on my ass for an hour for a 5 minute Pat-preadmission testing appointment. At least it is not a Mary-preadmission appointment; my name sure ain’t Pat. A 5 minute appointment? Really? A sobriety test takes longer than that (so I am told).
Where do I take the enema? (kidding) (I hope)