Almost everything I write in this blog is true. There is the occasional trivial side comment that is very obviously not true, but inserted for humor or sarcasm, and none of the names are real. I do that to stay anonymous; I don’t identify the hospital nor any employee but again, it is all true, especially when I quote people. The concept of an anonymous blog started when I was blogging about being a single father of a severely disabled daughter. I was very open about life and could even say things that I would not want anyone to know (that it was from me). I would get emails thanking me for saying things that others thought they were the only ones thinking.

This blog is not quite as anonymous, there are some readers who know me, and the hospital is aware of it. That does not stop me from saying the most intimate things anyway.

The blog about my daughter and me was only about that. It was rare that I spoke about other aspects of my life, as I don’t here. This blog is about me and that fucking tumor a few inches up my butt. This post is a slight diversion from that.

Five years and two days ago my severely disabled daughter was sexually molested during the summer extended year program at her high school. Five years and two days ago was the single worst day of my life. I have not been the same since.

While still paralyzed by the situation, I wrote this blog post. That was followed a few days later by this one with a title I love. Just under a year later I was interviewed and part of the interview was about “the incident.” By this time we were aware that Pearlsky did indeed know what had happened to her. That was a whole new level of devastating. The interview uses my nom de plume “SingleDad” or SD.

I really don’t know if I would have survived that period of my life if it were not for a special woman who had recently entered my life. Two years after the incident (hence a bit over three years ago) she moved to this country and moved in with her severely disabled daughter.

Inanna is the ancient Sumerian goddess of love, beauty, sex, desire, fertility, war, combat, justice, and political power. Obviously a very busy and talented goddess. That is the name I use for her here.

We spent about two and a half weeks between knowing I had colorectal cancer and having the first meeting with the three doctors to learn more. A devastating, difficult, soul searching two and a half weeks. Early on I turned to Inanna and said:

I will understand if you want to move back home to your family.

She looked at me as if I was crazy. She then told me that I was crazy.

She has stood with me the entire time. She came to the important appointments and would come to others if I wanted. She asked if she should quit her job and stay home working with the girls (“no”). She understands the side effects and not only how they affect me, but how they affect her.

I don’t know if I could get through this without her. If I was still SingleDad it would be devastating. Those of you who have followed that blog know the fear of a primary caregiver when considering their own mortality. My mortality is right now up my ass in my face.

Inanna is staying in this house, period. Her choice, her words. With or without me, with both girls. The burden that removes is simply more than you can imagine.

Cancer is a very lonely disease. But it is a bit easier if you have an ancient Sumerian goddess to help get you through the day.