Topic: Random thoughts

NOTE: Posts within this topic are shown in chronological order, the oldest first.

One week down, five to go

Some things I have learned, experienced, and observed during my first week of chemo-radiation.

  • Doctors, nurses and technicians do not talk to each other. On the first day of chemo-radiation, one said “You should not have any effects from the chemo.” Another said “Take the nausea medicine as soon as you get home to stay on top of the side effects.” The third said, “Everyone is different, wait and see what happens.” All within two hours.
  • My nuts hurt. Not both at once (I guess there is a god) but sometimes one, sometimes the other. The tumor (it does not qualify for a name) is near a lot of nerves that go “down there” and at times causes issues. Remember that the tumor is not fixed in place, yes it is fixed in place relative to that part of the colon, but it moves with respect to other parts of my viscera.
  • Twenty-four / seven chemotherapy and daily radiation pretty much sucks as much as you think it would.
  • Having free, priority parking at the big city hospital would be a perk if I was there for a different reason.
  • 10:37 AM has been my favorite time of day since 1973. It was when third period in ninth grade ended and Russian class was over. I will equally remember, but dislike, 1:15 PM as the time for radiation.
  • It is extremely difficult to plan for a full bladder. Following the same routine everyday can have very different results. At least for me.
  • It is fascinating as to who reaches out and who stays silent.
  • Accepting help is difficult for me. Asking for help is virtually impossible. I know I will need to do both in the months to come, not sure how that will work out.
  • Lying on the radiation table and wishing I was dead is extraordinarily ironic.
  • All that radiation and my manhood has yet to start glowing. That would be cool.
  • Going to a fancy hair salon to get your hair washed by a wonderful young lady who everyone says is incredible, and it ends up more a relaxing scalp massage, and your port stays dry, your hair is clean, and they don’t even charge you does not make it worth having cancer, but it comes close.

A rather forward woman, wearing a rather large religious symbol, gave me advice on my prayers, and it must have been the radiation or something, but I really thought she asked me the name of my chemo drug. I answered her question.

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“Federal and state laws (should) be changed to no longer make it a crime to possess marijuana for private use.” ~Richard M. Nixon

Thoughts on being halfway done with chemo-radiation (14 down, 14 to go), medical marijuana, and assorted crap.

  • Marijuana absolutely helps relieve nausea.
  • Sublingual medical marijuana tastes like licking the undercarriage of a lawn mower.
  • Halfway does not make me feel any better, mentally at least.
  • I have one surgeon, two hematologist/oncologists, two radiologists, an oncologist nurse practitioner, an oncologist nurse, a radiology nurse, and a couple of radiology techs. Only one is condescending and arrogant to the point that I will not even ask a question, I find someone else if I can, and I ignore their unsolicited advice since it at times contradicts others’. Ugh.
  • Everyone I know has been extremely appropriate in their response to my situation. A couple of people I don’t know have not been. While talking to a friend on the street today, a total stranger jumped into the conversation with stories of her relatives, etc. and cancer. I was hoping she would ask the name of my chemo …
  • There are hints that the tumor may be shrinking, let’s just say that some of what I leave in the bathroom is returning to a more typical form. As I said to my porn buddy about something else, that’s good shit.
  • The medical marijuana I am using does not have enough THC to get me high. I should try another kind, dude.
  • Fritos. I can’t forget the Fritos.

And yes, my nuts still hurt. Thanks for asking.

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“Sometimes I feel like I never actually make any of my own. Choices, I mean. My entire life it just seems I never…you know, had a real say about any of it. Now this last one, cancer…all I have left is how I choose to approach this.” ~Walter White

Of course there are good things to report.

  • I am still alive
  • Nothing particularly hurts anymore
    • not my nuts
    • not ejaculating
    • not urinating (well, mostly not)
  • ” … flexible sigmoidoscopy which demonstrated a persistent ulcer but not a large mass indicating a fairly significant response to therapy. ” ~surgeon’s progress report
  • ” …  tolerated the treatment well …” ~ibid, bodes well for chemo post-surgery
  • A wonderful friend brought over some great homemade cookies. Her instructions were to eat three a day, one in the morning and one in the evening.
  • The evening of the day I was originally told I had cancer I met a woman I was working with at 5:30, before our 6:00 meeting. She was grabbing Chinese food, offered to bring me something, and I simply said “surprise me.” Having no idea of my colonoscopy, my previous fast, my clean colon, nor my cancer, she brought me a half-dozen killer-spicy wonderful pork dumplings. They were great. The next time a doctor actually went “in” and looked, the tumor was gone, replaced with an ulcer! (see 3rd primary bullet above) I credit Ms. Nyet, 100%
  • Number of unique IPs reading this blog: 
  • I am emptying out my high tech company’s office, including a fair amount of office furniture in great shape. I could not find any takers and was days from simply filling a dumpster. Then my town’s fire department saw my notice, and is taking it all, gladly, for new training rooms. A perfect match at a perfect price, free.
  • As I am “putting my affairs in order” I keep finding out about affairs I did not know I had. Like the $5000 in unclaimed funds the state had in my name. Sheesh.

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