I was born with my grandfather’s nose. It appears that strong noses skip a generation. I was generally fine with it, but I must say that I was teased about it in my youth. One day in my senior year of high school, out of the blue, mom asked me if I wanted a nose job. I said “sure.” That was all, and then it happened.

About a month later I was in a dressing room somewhere and stepped into one of those three-segment mirrors where you can see yourself at various angles. It was the first time I really saw my new nose.

And I freaked out. I can picture it like it was yesterday. I looked deformed; I thought it was horrible.

When you look at something now, you have three fields of view. You see what your left eye sees, then in the middle you see what both eyes see, and you see what your right eye sees. It is obvious if you move your eyes all the way to the left, then to the right. What you don’t think about, is you also see the shape of your nose. In my case it became vastly different. The entire shape of my visual world changed.

My profile was completely mangled. My nose went from sort of out then down to sloping down and out. Shaping my face like a muzzle. Or so it seemed.

Here is the only picture known to exist of my previous profile:

And today-ish (that’s me on the left):

I have never given my looks all that much thought. I did not ask for the nose job, although I agreed right away. I absolutely am not vain now. But then when you are a gorgeous 59 year-old Adonis you don’t need to be.

Body image is a person’s perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body. The phrase body image was first coined by the Austrian neurologist and psychoanalyst Paul Schilder in his book The Image and Appearance of the Human Body (1935). Human society has at all times placed great value on beauty of the human body, but a person’s perception of their own body may not correspond to society’s standards.

The concept of body image is used in a number of disciplines, including psychology, medicine, psychiatry, psychoanalysis, philosophy and cultural and feminist studies. The term is also often used in the media. Across these disciplines and media there is no consensus definition, but body image may be expressed as how one views themselves in the mirror, or in their minds. It incorporates the memories, experiences, assumptions, and comparisons of one’s own appearance, and overall attitudes towards their height, shape, and weight. An individual’s impression of their body is also assumed to be a product of ideals cultivated by various social and cultural ideals. ~Wikipedia

My point?

I don’t want a stoma. I don’t like my tatoos, three small dark blue dots that no one can really see (radiation targets). I don’t like the “X” currently on my belly. I’m not even happy with the four or five other tattoos I have, and they are on the inside of my rectum. No one sees them, except me when I have my head up my ass. Which lately may be a tad more often than I prefer.